"SO WHO IS THIS RYAN SITZMAN?"

If you were a scientist asking the same question, you'd probably be a quack.  But assuming that you actually wanted to know a bit about this guy, you might come up with the following:

Name: Ryan Sitzman

Marital Status: Married, to a nice, beautiful girl named Angela.

Occupation: Disgruntled English Teacher without English background, in San Ramón, Costa Rica.

Birthday: March 18

Eye Color: Blue.   Hair Color: Brownish in parts, translucent in others.

Favorite Drink: Coffee.   Favorite Food: Toast.

Boxers or Briefs: Yes.

Favorite pastimes: Walking around, bowling, reading, cooking, eating, and sleeping.

Favorite bands: R.E.M., Guns N Roses, The Eels, Johnny Cash, Rage Against the Machine, Zeppelin, Air, and plenty of bands and singers that aren't nearly as cool to list as these guys.

Quote I like: "Nothing pleases me more than to give a completely false image of myself to people for whom I have made a place in my heart." - Jakob from Robert Walser's Jakob von Gunten.