Five Ways to go "F" Yourself
Hi, this is Ryan Sitzman. You might remember me from previous A-Z Music Review
Revue reviews such as “A,” “C,” or maybe even “E,” for the true fans.
Some others may wistfully recall “B” and “D,” but I’d rather you not, since I’ve
not quite pinned down the meaning of the word “wistfully.” In any case, I’m back
at ya with a big new review. In fact, it’s so big that even though I’m reviewing
five CDs, I had a few more that I decided to not review, simply to separate the
wheat from the chaff, as they say. And I realize that after you read this
review, you may discover that you and I have a very different understanding of
what exactly constitutes “wheat” and “chaff.”
Enough of this rambling. Let me tell you a quick story. It’s the story of how I
was finally motivated to write another A-Z review, months and months after the
last one had been sent. Tonight I noticed the cross-pollination of two things
very dear to my heart: music and bus driving. As it turned out, tonight I was
driving that big, shitty, gold bus again, and where else would I be driving to
but—that’s right—a Jewel concert. Yes, Jewel is still around, and she still
plays music. Basically, my role in the whole scheme was to drive a shuttle
between a parking lot on campus and Chatauqua, the outdoor park in the mountains
near Boulder. In any case, I can’t really remember where I was going with this
whole story, but the point is, I listened to some music tonight (and got paid to
do it!), and that made me want to be pushy and tell other people what music they
should and shouldn’t listen to. So here’s the newest review, finally.
As I said, I’ve whittled the music selection down to five CDs, which you’ll read
about imminently, but I wanted to make a few quick comments.
You know, some spring cleaning announcements. First of all, I reviewed a CD by
the Eels in the last newsletter, and in the meantime, I’ve purchased two more of
their CDs. I got a live one, “Electro-shock Blues Show,” and their newest one,
“Blinking Lights and Other Revelations.” Both are excellent, but Blinking Lights
is comprised of two of the best CDs I’ve heard in a long time, and I would
highly recommend it to anyone who was curious about “Souljacker,” which I
reviewed in the last email. Also, one of the CDs that I bought for this review,
“Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots,” by The Flaming Lips, is also very good, but
since so many people have it already, I decided to review these others. If you
don’t have Yoshimi, though, then you should, assuming that you like music. But
hey, if you don’t like music, that’s cool.
Anyhow, enough of this crap. Let’s talk about music! The first CD is…
BEN FOLDS – “SUNNY 16”
Ben Folds and I go way back. Well, at least my appreciation for his music goes
way back. I recall the first time I heard his music like it was yesterday. At
the time, he was still in Ben Folds Five, which of course was comprised of Ben
and two other members. The first time I heard their CD, “Whatever and Ever
Amen,” I was in Neustadt am Rübenberge, Germany, hanging out with my friend
Josh. Although we could have been out on the town in a shiny, new country,
living it up and experiencing a new culture from a first-hand perspective, we
chose instead to go to the craft store and buy some paint-by-numbers kits. And
we wondered why we had trouble meeting ladies…Anyhow, we took the
paint-by-numbers home (by the way, “paint-by-numbers” is called “Mahlen nach
Zahlen” in German, which is arguably much better than what we call it). Josh got
one with penguins, and mine had a majestic wolf looming over a bright orange
18-wheeler. Both paintings were also—awesome!—glow in the dark. So as we
“painted” our soon-to-be masterpieces, we listened to a variety of music that
Josh had on hand, including “Whatever and Ever Amen.” Who wouldn’t be hooked on
a band after listening to “Song For the Dumped,” the chorus of which demands:
“Give me my money back,
Give me my money back,
You bitch.
And don’t forget,
To give me back my black T-shirt.”
That’s poetry in motion.
So, Ben Folds Five was great, and Ben Folds as a solo artist is also great, in
my opinion. (By the way, I’ve heard his newest CD, “Songs For Silverman,” and it
sounds pretty good. I’m going to have to put it on my list). Between “Silverman”
and his last full-length album, Folds released three EPs, one of which is “Sunny
16.” It’s short, with only five songs, and you could probably listen to the
whole thing twice in the time it takes you to read all this shit I’m writing
about it here. The EP is quick and sweet, and it leaves you wanting more. The
opener, “There’s Always Someone Cooler Than You,” will sound familiar to fans of
Folds. As in most of his songs, the main focus is on Folds and his sometimes
jaded and angry lyrics, with an accompanying piano that sounds at times a bit
too unassuming and innocent to be in the same song as the lyrics.
The third song, “All U Can Eat,” is also a highlight, as it takes issue with a
major problem that we have here in Boulder. I’m talking, of course, about a
group of people that is known often as “Trust Fund Hippies,”
although I prefer to call them “Hippiecrites.” Basically, it’s about people who,
as Ben says, “give no fuck, just as long as there’s enough for them.”
He talks about “that asshole with a peace sign on his license plate, giving me
the finger and running me out of his lane.” For all of you who live in Boulder,
this verse needs no explanation, but if you don’t live here, drive out for a
visit sometime, and you’re sure to encounter this guy on the way here, probably
on US-36.
To summarize a long review of a short record, I really like this little guy. Not
just Ben Folds, but also his EP. I must also say that with the exceptions of
R.E.M.’s song “Nightswimming” and the music of Ben Folds, I have never found
anything that makes me wish that I’d stuck with those dreaded piano lessons of
my youth. Ben Folds gives hope to the scrawny guy in the Guns and Roses shirt in
all of us.
At this point, let’s admit it: there’s really no graceful segue from Ben Folds
straight into…
SOUNDTRACK – “FLASHDANCE”
I was really tempted to limit the review of this CD to just writing its title,
and letting you as a reader make your own jokes and commentary as necessary. I
was also a bit afraid that you would think less of me for owning this CD, but I
suppose that since I already had the “Footloose”
soundtrack, as well as the Paula Abdul CD I reviewed in the first email, I
didn’t really have much credibility to begin with, so I might as well just shoot
the rest of it down by reviewing “Flashdance.”
I got this gem at the CD Warehouse in Gainesville, Florida, the last time I was
down there visiting my Special Lady Friend-Type Person, Tori. The disc was
cheap, but I’m not sure it was cheap enough. See, this CD is really bad, but at
the same time, it manages to be really, really good.
This may be hard to explain.
First of all, to appreciate this CD properly, it helps to have seen the movie. I
must admit that until a few days ago, I myself had not seen it.
However, my friend Annie and I decided that it was about time I saw it, seeing
that the movie is set in Pittsburgh, my favorite city on Earth. So, we went to
Video Station and rented the movie, albeit after getting a lot of shit from the
skinny clerk at the store. He said that they had seen the movie in one of his
film classes, and that although the lighting was interesting, the film was
usually viewed because it was “one of the best bad movies” out there. And the
movie is…well, it’s a little far-fetched, but entertaining. It’s the courageous
story of Alex, a spunky 18-year-old girl who works at a Pittsburgh steel mill by
day, and lets loose at night by dancing on stage at a hamburger restaurant (if
you’ve not seen the movie, this actually IS what it’s about). It’s full of
subtlety and class. In any case, the gig at the hamburger place lets her
practice her art (“dancing”), and working there is sure better than dancing at
the strip club down the road. Alex is working on her “dancing” so that she can
eventually apply to a ballet school (but still, a ballet school in Pittsburgh).
This fact, when combined with her sweatshirt collars with a 30-inch
circumference, lead to many a sweaty, heart-filled montage.
The music really makes up the soul of the movie, and vice-versa. So when the
music is removed from the film, it definitely loses something. Whereas I could
listen to a cheesy synthesized song while watching people from the 80s dance on
a screen, it’s just weird to listen to Joe Esposito’s “Lady, Lady, Lady” while
hanging out alone in my apartment. I mean, c’mon; he says “Lady, lady, lady /
Let me touch that part of you / You want me to…”. The same disconnect applies to
the up-tempo songs, but they survive their transfer better intact. For example,
who doesn’t love the title song “Flashdance…What a Feeling”? That’s right,
everyone loves it, and everyone also loves “Maniac.”
Here’s my tip for playing this CD: The next time you have an 80s party, program
your CD player to play tracks 1 and 10, you’d be able to hear both of the good
songs, while skipping the rest of the sub-par filler (with the only exception
being the wicked cowbell work on “Seduce Me Tonight”).
Having programmed your player, you’re now free to give a smile and a knowing
wink to your guests, and they’ll act like they appreciate your subtle taste for
humor and irony, even though they’ll secretly be damn excited that you managed
to dig “Maniac” out of some music dungeon of the past.
Speaking of “some music dungeon of the past,”…just kidding. We’ll get to that
one later. But for now, let’s talk about the next CD, which has to do with a
different sort of Hamburgers.
FETTES BROT – “AUßEN TOP HITS, INNEN GESCHMACK”
Fettes Brot, a trio from Hamburg, Germany, is surely one of the preeminent
German rap acts of the 20th century. It’s debatable, though, whether a statement
like the preceding one really carries much weight.
First of all, everyone knows that America is the land of rap and hip-hop, and
it’s hard to give much credibility to any act that comes from Europe…after all,
everyone knows their slums are pretty lame and benign, what with the social
welfare system and all. Still, what Fettes Brot (German for “fat bread,”
honestly) lacks in thug believability, they more than make up for in other areas
of their craft.
For example, instead of writing about bitches and hoes, lowriders, and gunning
down rivals, Fettes Brot tends to rap about the less-glamorous aspects of life.
It’s actually reminiscent of some early American rap, at least in its
less-threatening incarnations. It’s easy to draw a comparison between these guys
and the likes of DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince.
Both groups talked about the quotidian aspects of life, while accompanied by
relatively simple beats in the background. Brot’s song “Jein,” a word that is a
combination of “ja” and “nein,” deals with day-to-day situations, such as
deciding whether to go home to the girlfriend, or to go out and drink yourself
stupid with your buddies.
As for the songs, it’s a sort of mixed verdict. The album starts off with “Spiel
mir das Lied vom Brot,” an intro that almost sounds like it could have come out
of a hip Clint Eastwood western, and moves right into “Jein,” the album’s
strongest track. “Hallo Hip Hop” follows, but after these three songs the album
gets a little bit schwach. It almost seems like it was engineered to please the
trendy German music crowd, which seems to inordinately love the three-song
single. And it would be a hell of a three-song single, if there weren’t 11 more
tracks to go. Most are pretty good, but the only one that stands out as being
unique and catchy is “Silberfische in meinem Bett,” which comes nigh on the end
of the disc, when many people may have already given up and put the Snoop Dogg
CD back in the player.
Additionally, this CD obviously has limited appeal if you don’t speak German,
but even if you don’t speak the language, it’s still possible to enjoy the music
on some level. Although the subject matter takes a cue from old-style American
rap, that is generally where my comparison between German and American rap ends.
Fettes Brot has modern beats and a fresh feel, and they—thankfully—don’t seem to
wear anything nearly as gaudy as the tasteless shit that DJ Jazzy Jeff and the
Fresh Prince used to wear on their album covers. Also, whether you understand
German or not, you can notice right away that it’s a language that perhaps
surprisingly easily loans itself to rhyming and rapping. I’m not sure if it’s
due to verb conjugations, various adjective endings, or any of that other crap
that I had to teach to my German class, but when you hear Fettes Brot, one of
the first things that comes to mind is, “Damn, these Krauts CAN rap!” Especially
on the quicker songs, they rhyme multiple words and phrases in the same verse,
and the cadence just sounds pretty good. Plus, German can be scary as hell, so
these guys almost sound tough, even though they would probably have to do any
drive-by shootings from their properly-lit bicycles.
This particular CD came out nearly 10 years ago, but Fettes Brot is still going
strong. Their CDs are obviously hard to get in the US, but you should check them
out the next time you’re in Germany (or just get Bobby to send it to you, like I
did—thanks man!). Instead of “Außen Top Hits, Innen Geschmack,” though, and also
instead of their newest album, I would recommend picking up “Demo Tape,” which
has many more good songs. “Außen Top Hits…” starts off strong but peters out by
track 7, leaving with you to deal with seven more songs, but “Demo Tape” is
wunderbar to the end.
MICHAEL FRANTI & SPEARHEAD – “STAY HUMAN”
If you don’t like this album, I have only one thing to say to you: Let’s hear
YOU make an upbeat anti-death-penalty concept album! Yes, believe it or not,
that’s what this album’s underlying theme is. This record was released in 2001,
and Franti has released another album with Spearhead in the meantime. I had
planned on reviewing that album, “Everyone Deserves Music,” but when I was up in
Fort Collins recently (we F.C. ex-pats in Boulder tend to call it “The Fort”), I
stopped by The Finest, a record store that is, well, one of the finest you’ll
find. It’s got a great selection of new and used CDs and records, and it’s not
as cramped or creepy as many record stores you’ll come across. In any case, when
I was at The Finest, I came across this album, which had been recommended to me
by Patrick Hege, a fellow T.A.
The music on this album is superb, and the message is also very impressive. As I
said, it’s dealing with a heavy and often alienating subject, but it manages to
be wholly positive and affirming. At the same time, it’s not so painfully upbeat
and happy that you become afraid that righteous sunbeams of love will shoot out
your ass if you listen to the record for too long. The sound of the music is
sort of hard to categorize.
It definitely has a hip-hop sort of beat and flair, but at the same time, there
are many other instruments to be heard, and you get the feeling that they’re
probably not made by a synthesizer. Overall, the sound reminds me of something
by The Roots, if The Roots had a gig at a high-class activist fund-raiser.
Another aspect of the album that shows its relation to the world of rap is the
use of inter-song skits. Although these skits can be interesting at times, they
generally detract from most albums, especially if they are injected between
every single song. On this record, however, the skits align nicely with the
songs, and they don’t seem too forced. The skits on this album are ostensibly
about a woman named Sister Fatima, who was convicted of killing two
businesspeople and later sentenced to execution.
The skits are done from the perspective of two people in a radio station who are
working to raise awareness about Sister Fatima. They’re also trying to bring
attention to new evidence that has come to light since her conviction.
The skits are very convincing, and I’m a bit embarrassed to admit that I didn’t
realize that they weren’t real until I read a disclaimer in the liner notes that
her story was fictional, but meant to represent “the horrific reality of our
time.” Whether you agree with Franti’s views, this album will likely make you
think a bit, which is probably not a bad thing. And with lyrics like, “Hate is
what got me here / but love sweet love is gonna set me free,” you’re likely to
come away from a listening of this album at least a bit happier than when you
picked it up.
FALCO – “FALCO3”
Question: What could be more compromising to a music collection’s integrity than
a Falco record? Answer: An album of Falco remixes.
In my quest to bring you new and interesting reviews, I’ve often stumbled on
some strange selections, but this one is right near the top of the pile.
I came across it in the vinyl section of
Bart’s CD Cellar a few months back, and
realized that it was destined to go on a music review. As a matter of fact, this
album isn’t actually called “Falco3,” since the 3 is above the word, making the
name “Falco cubed.” But it’s not as though that makes any more sense…
If you don’t know Falco, let me tell you a bit about him. I actually wrote a
eulogy for him years ago when I wrote for Spilled Ink, the Fort Collins High
School student newspaper. It was a moving tribute to a goofy-ass Austrian singer
that had just died in a car accident in the Dominican Republic. I think it’s
safe to say that my article brought the school to tears and lead to some
collective soul-searching, and work grinded to a halt for a few days as my
classmates reflected on the musical contributions of this extraordinary man. For
those of you who didn’t catch my article eight years ago, he was the guy who
brought us such hits as “Rock Me Amadeus” and “Der Kommisar.” His songs were
generally sung half in English, half in Austrian (and anyone that speaks German
will agree that Austrian sure as hell isn’t the same as German).
So why make a remix album of some of his most popular songs? Good question. It’s
very hard to justify, especially after listening to the results. While the
original version of “Rock Me Amadeus” was arguably a bit overdone already, it
certainly doesn’t improve with an 8 and a half minute remix. And some of the
remix names are just bizarre. My favorite title is “Nothin’ Sweeter Than Arabia:
The Relevant Madhouse Danceteria Jour-Fix-Mix.” Whatever the hell that all
means. I must admit that I didn’t pay much for this record, but it’s still hard
to say it was worth it.
If you want to get some Falco, just buy one of his regular records, or download
a few of his songs from the Internet. Then, as you light a candle, pour out part
of your 40, and shoot a rifle into the air, you can crank “Rock Me Amadeus” to
the max and celebrate the legend of Falco properly.
So, that’s it for this time. Thanks for reading, and I’d like to hear any input
or suggestions you might have, either about my writing or my choice of music for
future reviews. Until next time, rock steady.
Ryan