A Gaggle of "G's"
Hey everyone,
this is Ryan Sitzman. I know it’s been a while since I wrote one of these
annoying music review emails, and I could give you a long list of lame excuses,
but it all boils down to one idea: this shit ain’t easy. As long as you know,
though, that I treasure our time together, and that I’ve been thinking about
writing a review for a long time now, I think we’ll get through these hard
times. In any case, I’ve also been thinking: is there something about my
presence that makes random strangers want to verbally accost me as I walk down
the street? Because it’s been happening a lot recently.
See, this summer, I was in Vancouver, Canada with my friend Katie. Vancouver is
a really pretty city, like most people tell you, but what they forget to tell
you is that there parts of town that are completely fucked up and almost
comically sketchy. Since we couldn’t camp in the middle of the city, we decided
to stay at a hotel, but within a few minutes of parking the car, as we were
getting our luggage ready to take in, two random people came up to us and gave
us a friendly warning not to leave anything in the car, or it’d get stolen.
Also, a guy offered to sell us a box of protein bars, fresh from the drug
treatment center next door, for only five dollars. But that’s beside the point.
The point is, we had to unload everything from my car and take it into the
hotel, which was no small task since Katie was moving to Colorado and had
everything that she was taking with her in my car.
That was a digression to a previous digression. Anyhow, we were walking back to
the hotel in the evening, and two random junkies sprawled out on the sidewalk
watched us walk by, and one said to the other, “Look at those two idiots!” And
this was from two fucking heroin junkies! Granted, we were in Canada, which
meant the most physical harm they probably could have done us would be to stab
us with a used syringe, but still…it was kind of annoying. Plus, if the junkies
call you an idiot, it kind of makes you wonder. Especially when a pattern forms.
A pattern, you say? Yes, a pattern. See, about two weeks ago, I was walking out
of Tra-Ling’s (the pay-by-the-scoop Chinese place near campus) and talking with
my fellow Scandinavian TA friend Annie. This grizzled old lady with short spiky
hair and a rolling suitcase—who we weren’t even looking at—walked up to us,
glared at us, and said, “Fuck you, you sick weirdos!” And then she walked off!
What the hell?!?
Then, this evening as I was walking home from Katie’s apartment, I walked by a
bus stop where a couple of college guys were standing around smoking. And one of
them says to me, “You walk weird.” I said, “Me? I do?” Him: “Yeah.” So I
replied, “Yeah, I know.” But that’s the thing! I don’t know if I walk weird! But
what if I do?!? What if I’m the one who’s fucked in the head, and all these
people who look crazy to me are just trying to shoot me straight? What if I AM
an idiotic sick weirdo who walks weird? I don’t know, but that just gave me
something to ponder on the 35 minute walk home. That, and I also thought of
better things I could have said to the assbag at the bus stop. Things ranging
from, “Well, can you give me a few pointers, then?” to “You’d walk weird if you
had 40 condoms full of heroin stuck up your butt and you were trying to smuggle
them across the Canadian border.” But I suppose due to those replies, maybe I AM
weird.
What does this all have to do with music? Nothing. But I wanted you to know I’m
not just squandering my time when I’m not busy writing these reviews for your
reading “pleasure.”
By the way--and this is a major announcement—if you didn’t know, these reviews
are now available on my own website! It’s called www.ryansitzman.com, and it’s
an exercise in self-promotion and verbal diarrhea if ever there was one! No,
seriously, this website does exist. Check it out. I’ve had it up for a while,
but with help from my uncle Bob, I’m hoping to add to it and make it better.
It’s got (so far) my music reviews and some crappy pictures, but I’m hoping to
add more writing, and other stuff that may come along. So, check it out sometime
if you’re bored and have some time. And give me feedback, even though I’m
stubborn a lot of the time and might not listen to it anyhow.
SO!! We’ve got some music to talk about. In the months that have passed since
the last email, I’ve gotten quite a bit of fodder for this “G” review. At first
I had thought of doing an all-vinyl review, since records are significantly
cheaper than CDs (plus, you’re automatically cooler if you have a record
player…if you don’t have one, try it and find out for yourself). However, I
became the recipient of a few generous gifts from a couple of kind readers.
First of all, my former roommate and eternal fellow soccer hooligan Julien
pitched in two bucks to help me buy a Gypsy Kings record, which he claimed was
the embodiment of summer (this was back in May or so). Then, I got a package
from my friend Brad in Iowa, who I know from my first exchange year in Hannover,
Germany. He sent me two Grateful Dead CDs, as well as some Weber BBQ grill pans.
Both were delicious, by the way.
My point here is that many of you may ask: Ryan, won’t the integrity of your
reviews be compromised if your friends and other random people try to bribe you
by giving you gifts? My answer: Who cares? Send me more free gifts and we’ll
see, I guess. I’m just happy people actually make it through these tedious
things, and I’m very happy when anyone gives me feedback, especially if it’s in
the form of free stuff. So, keep it coming.
So, in narrowing down the albums for this review, I eliminated a few for
different reasons. I was going to review Green Day’s most recent album,
“American Idiot,” but everybody and their brother already has it (as evidenced
by the fact that both me and my brother Paul possess this CD). It’s good,
though. I was also going to review the first CD by the Gorillaz, which was their
self-titled one. I thought that was a nice idea, since they recently came out
with a new one, and it’d be interesting to compare the two, but I decided to
concentrate instead on older (1980s-era, at least) vinyl, with the Dead CDs
thrown in, since they originally came out on vinyl. The Gorillaz album is also
good, though.
So, without much further ado, let’s get crackin’!
GO-GO’S – “BEAUTY AND THE BEAT”
GO-GO’S – “VACATION”
There are a lot of things about the Go-Go’s that are great. They’ve got some
catchy tunes that we all know, and when you hear them, it’s hard not to smile.
There are also a lot of not-so-great things about the Go-Go’s. First of all,
what the hell is with the apostrophe in their name? I’m assuming that it’s not
possessive of anything, and it’s also probably not a contraction (who would
listen to a band really called “Go-Go Is”?). As a nerd, the apostrophe kind of
pisses me off. Also, if you’ve read my other reviews, you know that most of my
“research” involves reading the album’s liner notes, referencing TV shows or
movies that I may or may not have seen, and making shit up. So, it seems like I
heard from a VH-1 special that these seemingly-nice girls were actually into
some pretty nasty stuff, but that’s neither here nor there. Also, a lot of their
songs are pretty simplistic and repetitive. Finally—admit it!—they often kind of
sound like Alvin and the Chipmunks. However, all this bad stuff you can
basically throw out because they still make a mean feel-good record.
I got both of these at the shop Albums on the Hill in Boulder. It’s the one I
mentioned in a previous review as being the quintessential record store: a
cramped basement store with wall-to-wall music and over-knowledgeable employees.
The only drawback is that their CDs are a bit pricey, but since these were
records, that was no problem. I got them both for around 3 or 4 dollars. I like
the earlier one, 1981’s “Beauty and the Beat,” slightly better than “Vacation,”
which was released a year later. “Beat” has a couple of songs that are real
beasts, including the famous “Our Lips Are Sealed” and, of course, “We Got The
Beat.” However, almost all the songs are good, and my favorites are the upbeat
“Can’t Stop The World” and the simple “This Town.” “Vacation” has the great
title song, which many people know, but the other songs aren’t as popular.
They’re all pretty solid, like most of the work on “Beat,” but, as with “Beat,”
the songs are generally up-tempo and thoroughly pop-y. That makes for good
listening if you only play one side at a time, but after two full albums, you
start longing for some Zeppelin or, even better, Black Sabbath. Although it’d be
unfair to describe these albums as total sugar-pop, they are similar to pop in
the sense that they’re quite tasty, but best in small quantities.
GYPSY KINGS – “GYPSY KINGS”
Julien’s earlier claim—that this album embodies summer—is actually somewhat
true, depending on what type of summer feeling you’re trying to evoke. If you’re
talking a “let’s hang out on the porch and drink margaritas” type of feeling,
then this album is absolutely what you need. If you’re talking a “let’s drive
across the country, eating corndogs and drinking strawberry milk,” then you
might need a Tom Petty album, my friend. However, that’s not to downplay the
greatness of this album.
First of all, the good: almost every song is good, and there isn’t one that I’d
want to skip over if given the chance. My favorites are “Tu Quieres Volver” and
their cover of Sinatra’s song “My Way,” called “A Mi Manera.” That one is
surprising because it’s even better than the original.
Speaking of covers that are better than their originals, before I get more into
this review, I also must state that, due to their contribution of a
Spanish-language cover of “Hotel California” on the soundtrack to The Big
Lebowski, the Gypsy Kings can do no real wrong. They’d already cemented their
status as legends in my mind. However, aside from that song and a couple of
other random ones, I hadn’t heard much by them, so this album was just what I
needed.
I must admit, though, that when I listen to this album, not everything is 100%
bueno. First of all, a few of the songs have been appropriated by all sorts of
television commercials (and I’m talking especially about you here, “Bamboleo”),
and it’s hard to listen to them without conjuring images of Mexican restaurants
or steakhouses in your mind. Also, it’s all in Spanish! I used to speak Spanish
pretty well, but evidently it’s been replaced in my head by Swedish (which I’m
also rapidly forgetting). Anyhow, I can’t really understand the words to most of
the songs, and although they sound very passionate and sometimes romantic, it’s
still disconcerting to think that they could be singing about inane shit, like
their love for monster truck rallies, or the time they took a giant dump.
However, if you look at the album cover, these seven guys look pretty sincere,
what with their Spanish-looking clothes and greasy, curly hair. Plus, they’ve
got an acoustic guitar.
On the whole, this album is one that I’d definitely recommend to most anyone.
It’s just solid throughout, and it’s much better than the shitty ranchera music
they play at most Mexican restaurants, which seems to be most people’s
impression of what all music in Spanish sounds like. I’d say that whether it’s
summer or not, if you’re wanting a great album with a mix of upbeat, fast songs,
and slower, passionate ballads, then this album is your ticket to a good time.
GENESIS – “INVISIBLE TOUCH”
Has anyone seen the movie “American Psycho”? I just saw it a month or two ago,
and I got really excited when the main character would do his impromptu music
reviews! He actually talked knowledgeably about acts like Whitney Houston, Huey
Lewis and The News, and Phil Collins. He’d expound on the virtues and weaknesses
of each of these artists’ albums, and he’d describe why his favorite songs were
his favorites. Then he’d brutally kill the person he was talking to. So, with
the exception of me boring you to death with this long-ass email, be happy that
I’m not planning on killing you, and I’m just doing these emails for your
enjoyment and edification.
The reason I mentioned “American Psycho” in the first place is because Patrick
Bateman, the main character, talks about Genesis. He calls “Invisible Touch”
their “undisputed masterpiece,” saying it’s an “epic meditation on
intangibility.” I wouldn’t call it that, exactly, but I will allow that there
are some really good moments on that title song, and the rest of the album
certainly has its high points. Almost all of the songs were at least mild hits,
with the exception of a few songs on side two (and those aren’t half bad,
either).
“Invisible Touch” the song is damn good, and it meshes well with “Land of
Confusion,” my favorite Genesis song. “Land of Confusion” seems to reflect a
larger trend of the 1980s, namely the quick-paced song reflecting on the madness
of the times, which we also see with songs like Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start
The Fire.” “Tonight, Tonight, Tonight” and “In Too Deep” are both very sincere
and decent, but the former drags on a bit long, and the latter has a really
sappy beat and structural impression that belies its content, which is actually
pretty heavy and could use something a bit more raw and tough.
In the 19 years since they were released, most of the songs on this album have
been put on live CDs and compilations, and have suffered from extreme overplay
on radio programs; also in the interim period, Phil Collins fans seem to have
acquired the reputation of being big pussies. Still, it’s pretty impressive if
you pause for a moment to consider how big this album probably was when it came
out. For that reason, and also because most of the songs are solid, I would
definitely recommend this album to anyone looking for a good 80s album to listen
to while playing Donkey Kong.
GRATEFUL DEAD – “AMERICAN BEAUTY”
GRATEFUL DEAD – “WORKINGMAN’S DEAD”
As I mentioned earlier in the introduction to this email, these CDs were in a
surprise package that I received a few months ago in the mail. It was addressed
to “Professor Ryan Sitzman,” and at first I thought that I must have gotten a
promotion at the German Department. Then I quickly remembered that back when I
was an exchange student near Hannover, Germany, I had been known as “Der
Professor.” I was called that because I had slightly-more-than-rudimentary
German skills, which were put on display when a group of exchange students went
to the zoo, and I was able to read and understand signs like “Delphin,” “Bär,”
and “Toilette.” But I digress. The point is, one of the people who called me Der
Professor was Brad Bonner, the friendly Iowegian who sent me these two CDs. If
you’ve not met him, you really should. He knows all sorts of stuff about
cameras, IRAs, and also supposedly law, now that he’s in law school. He probably
even knows stuff about trains. So thanks again, Brad!
Anyhow, to the CDs themselves. To make a long story short, they’re both
excellent. I like “American Beauty” slightly better, and I think that many
people would agree with this sentiment. It’s chalk full of great Dead songs that
almost everyone who listens to classic rock knows, like “Friend of the Devil,”
“Sugar Magnolia,” and “Truckin’.” I’d say that if it’s not already in my Top 20
CDs List, it will probably be making its way up there, and may even make it into
the Top 10 sometime! It’s just that good…
Workingman’s Dead is also stellar, and has hits such as “Uncle John’s Band” and
“Casey Jones.” One thing that I actually really like about this album is the
twanginess inherent in it, which makes it sound more hick that hippy at times.
It’s a wonderful album to put on to relax to. In fact, both albums are so
chilled out that smoking pot while listening to them would seem redundant and
unnecessary. I imagine that the people who followed around the Dead on tour must
have been as calm and pliable as Annie’s cat, Mr. Snuggles. (Yes, I just
name-dropped a friend’s cat and yes, he really does have such a weak-ass name).
The CDs that Brad sent me are also re-mastered editions, and besides having good
liner notes and wonderful sound quality, each CD also has six or seven bonus
tracks. The bonus songs are either unreleased or live versions of the songs
already on the CD, so they compliment the album nicely.
I seem to recall talking with Brad once in Germany about the Dead. I think he
said that he didn’t used to like the Grateful Dead, but he wanted to be the type
of person who could say he liked them, so he determinedly listened to them until
he actually DID like them. That, my musical friends, is dedication, and if he
was able to like this band under such adverse conditions, you probably can, too.
So, if you have some preconceived notions about the Dead, it’s time to set them
aside for an hour or two to listen to these albums. I guarantee that you’ll like
them, or Brad will give you your money back.
So, that’s about it for this time around. I’d like to write more and chat more
about music with youns, but I’m starting to get that dull, carpal-tunnel-y
feeling in my wrists, so it’s probably time to sign off. I’ll be back sometime
soon with a fabulous “H” review, but until then, take care, and listen to some
music for me!
--Ryan Sitzman